Put in your mouth,or you can get the heck out.

2 min readMay 19, 2022


Back in the days of frustration when submitting resumes online were getting as much response as poking a stone with a fork;

I went hither to many temp agencies. My thinking was this:

It was the fastest was to get into the work force.It bypassed the whole setting

appointment,dress and speak professional, as the impassive HR person eyeballs your resume.

Nope, the agency had the hookup. I just had to show up.

Submit 2 forms of ID, fill out an application,and be ready for work.

This was what I did for all the agencies I went to.The more agencies I was registered at the better my chances of getting work quickly.

Then I encountered: The drug screening.

I never messed with drugs,so I wasn’t worried. I thought it was gonna be simple.

Urine test? No

Hair sample No.

This particular agency had a different type of test that was taken on the spot.

A swab shaped like a marshmellow-but 2x bigger-was to be put in the applicant’s mouth and held there for over 3 minutes until saturated to get a good

sample of saliva. (ball gag?)

As I sat at the desk,nostrils flaring to draw in air,I thought this coulda been worse. At least I wasn’t:

Wearing a rat outfit or a chicken outfit and told to dance for screaming kids.

Or wearing a g-string to do male seminude housecleaning.

Yeh. An agency tried to turn me into a stripper.( If you must know,I did NOT take the job,ok?)

These are mild cases. Ive heard of worse.

And that’s what you have to deal with when you work for someone else.

You can work for state minimum or prevailing wage.

Wear an asbestos suit or a neon g-string.

If that’s the requirement, that’s what they expect you to do.

Well I ain’t beat for that.

I’ll be my own man and keep my dignity,thanks

And if you wanna do you own thing may I suggest:

Finding you passion,be it writing,teaching,whatever

Be absolutely committed to doing whatever it takes to succeed.

Be fearless. Attack your fears. If it scares you,go out and tackle it.

Life is too short to say “I wish I did”

Do it now.

You’ll love yourself for it.

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